a victoria p


04 March 2008

Vulnerability is not something that appeals to me, but I would do anything for you. So, be happy. Take her and be happy and rather, take yourself and be happy. You, you and you: take your baggage and make it yours again. For whatever reason, I don't compare to it. Maybe I'll become a suitcase of yours in a few years; for now you stay blind-sighted with your past. I am alone now. I will always be alone in the present; sometimes I will find company dreaming absurdly of the future but I am always alone now. I will be merely mildly beautiful and alluring on some tragic nights in the Lower East Side filled with cinematic kisses, bad weather and taxi cabs. I will be overwhelmed by your attentions on those nights and will be under-whelmed by your follow through on the days to come. I will turn many heads in many venues but to give myself through and whole will only lead to me being forgotten. Thus, I plan to withhold now. I plan to withhold until you want it so badly you'll take it any way you can get it. I'll serve it cold. I love you still, for sentimental reasons. But where are you now? I want you to be able to smell me before even looking up as to see me-- right as I walk through the door. Where are you now? I can hear your deepened breaths and smell your glowing pores as you lay soundly sleeping, pattering rain droplets on the fire escape and street lamps light bustling Allen Street below; you wake yourself up just to fall back to sleep. But you are no where to be found beside under my pathetic eyelids. I picture your dimpled smile, reading in the bright sunlight locally unknown to me; New York has been so dreary these past months. I picture your dimpled smile on my doorstep late at night; your blue baseball cap. It was raining. You were drunk. You followed me up the stairs. You pulled back just to watch me. We took a bubble bath. You said I had a good eye.

My pathetic eyelids.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


argggghh. come to colorado,
and do it now.


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